Conspiracy Theories

Quote of the Day: "I, Jon Stewart, hate Christmas, Christians, Jews, morality, and I will not rest until every year families gather to spend December 25th together at Osama's homo-abortion-pot-and-commie-jizzporium." - Jon Stewart to Bill O'Reilly

Last night Family Guy was interrupted by an even bigger idiot the president on my screen. I watched, because clearly I'm an asshole, and I swear he must have used that same speech at another time. I don't know why I even bother to watch when that man's speeches are the epitome of SSDD. What I really loved was today's new crop of bullshit. The man himself said that wiretaps have been effective in disrupting the enemy while safeguarding our civil liberties." Right, because listening in on my phone conversations sans a warrant is totally in line with the Constitution. Sounds like someone needs to take a basic crim pro class.

Anyway, Ambimb's has a link up to the The Chapelle Theory, which basically states that the reason that Chapelle's Show went off the air is because of a conspiracy against him perpetrated by a group known as the 'Dark Crusaders.' And I can not express how deeply retarded it seems.

I couldn't help but read it, what with the whole train wreck theory and all. These Dark Crusaders are made up of Oprah Winfrey, Robert L. Johnson, Bill Cosby, Louis Farrakhan, Al Sharpton, and I swear it says this: Whoopi Goldberg. Supposedly they hate Chapelle's show because it makes black people look bad by playing on stereotypes. Some problems with this theory:

1. How the hell would this extremely eclectic group of black people be able to get together anywhere in the U.S. without people knowing? Especially considering that Farrakhan is surround at all times and that Oprah is one of the most recognizable people on the planet.
   
2. Any theory that has the main point that he was taken down by a black power structure is fundamentally flawed. Oprah? Ok, maybe. The rest of them don't make a whole lot of sense.
   
3. As an aside, I could have totally believed this (or at least thought about it without a sneer) if it was just Oprah and Bill Cosby....Oprah sure has the power and the money and Bill Cosby seems pissed off at young black folks who find success this way...
   
4. ...except Oprah's probably too busy saving the world and swimming in her own money to actually give a shit.
   
5. Bill Cosby does seem like kind of a nut though. Shut up, Bill Cosby! Your show was less realistic than the damn Simpsons.
6. I hate to be the one to point out that almost every 'black movie' ever made plays off of stereotypes about black people. Sheesh.
7. Chapelle's show is just a modern rip off of In Living Color from waaaay back in the day. I love Chapelle's Show because I think it's damn funny, but watch some of the old episodes of In Living Color and don't try and tell me Chapelle's Show is more than a modern take on what it was doing 10 years ago: the Oprah sketches, the fake music videos, the movies, new 'products' and the plays on pop culture...right down to the musical guest at then end.
   
8. Need I even point out the irony of the founder of Booties Every Time, talking shit about degrading black people? Has Robert L. Johnson even watched the damn channel he founded? There's more ass on there than in a proctologist's office. Oh right, he sold out to Viacom. Silly me!
   
9. Whoopi Goldberg? Where's Danny Glover? Anyway, isn't she the same woman who defended her stupid boyfriend Ted Danson for wearing blackface as a joke? That's really funny. Thanks.
10. Louis Farrakhan? Having him involved proves one of my other points: It's much easier to kill someone off then set up a complicated plan of harrassment involving several high profile people. See X, Malcolm.
    
11. Al Sharpton? No, really?
    
12. Where's Denzel Washington? You can't talk about the black entertainment 'elite' without Denzel!
    
13. Shut up, Bill Cosby!

Now I'm all for conspiracy theories because I think they make the world more fun? But this one is a little bit dumb. With that being said I sincerely hope it's true!