Using Brain Power to Become an Indecisive Bore

QuoteotD: "How can you tell if you are a celebrity stalker? If you do a google image search of your celebrity crush and a picture of you pops up." [This is a true story of a friend who is in LOVE, LOVE with a guy in a band.  Her profile picture from Facebook comes up when you Google him. Reminder: stalking is a crime.]

For the past 10 weeks, I have been taking a Chinese class at one of the local colleges.  Every time I tell someone this, they ask me why.  This is a good question and not one I have a good answer to either.  I usually mutter something about how I thought it would be fun to use my brain at least once a week or about how I always wanted to learn another language - and this class teaches speaking and writing (both the characters and the pinyin).  It has been very difficult.  My final exam for this first introductory class on Monday and I'm pretty certain that I did not do well.  It would be easier if we did not learn the characters but if it were easier I probably would not take it or enjoy it.

This is indicative of one of my fundamental mental problems - I think about things too much and I do some things the hard way when the easier way would be better and more efficient.  In every area of my life, I put in more thought than is absolutely necessary - sometimes things are better if you just relax and take it easy.  Case in point: I test drove 9 vehicles before I bought my current car. This is a smart idea right? See what's out there.  The dumb part of this is that I had pretty much already decided on this car (down to the color and the options), having already owned 2 versions of the same vehicle (with different body styles).  What was the point of all those test drives then? I told myself it was to make sure I was getting the right car. Really, I was just wasting my time (also I enjoy driving cars, but that's a different story). 

This same over-processing applies to my relationships (familial, friendly, and romantic), work, clothing (including shoes), hair, and lipstick.  Everything is scheduled and color-coded now and followed up with check lists.  This over-processing is a good trait in a lawyer performing legal work (congratulations, clients!) but not necessarily good in a young woman's personal life. 

A few issues have weighed heavily on my mind the last few weeks and I am not sure what to do.  Some of these things require decisions pretty soon but...I'm stuck. When I was younger I was more care free and spontaneous - I remember a trip to Aruba that I booked mere hours before going, shaving my head on a whim in my first year out of college, and random trips out with the girls that lasted until 3 A.M.  I was better at doing whatever my heart wanted to do. Now that I am an old lady in her early 30s, I am insanely boring and predictable - and my brain generally wins out over decisions that are split between the heart and mind.  I think I stopped believing that flight is possible even after soaring a few times.  I wonder if this is just something that comes with getting older and becoming an adult with real responsibilities.  At the same time, however, I wonder if it's just me.  One day (soon) I hope to stop tentatively staring at the edge of the cliff - maybe one day I can get up the courage to jump and see if my wings still work.